so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
