Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
