All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
