last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
