I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
