You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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