Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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