New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
