Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
