why didn't you poke me back
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
