My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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