Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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