Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
