Acid is not a monday night drug
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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