I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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