I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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