so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize