Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
