We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
