6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
