I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
