My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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