I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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