Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Bring me that man meat
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
