is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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