I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
