I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
