imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Houston, we have a squirter
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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