none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
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