In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize