positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
