You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
