then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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