we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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