Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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