How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
