Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
