But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
