can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
