were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
