I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
