Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
