i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
