can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
