Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am midnight drunk by noon
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
