I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
