Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
