I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
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I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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