But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
