i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
