I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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