you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
