One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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