You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
