great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
