My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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