Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
