you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
